The day I became a US Marine

As you all know I was recruited recently to be in a war film as an actor. We weren’t told a lot about it at all, just to turn up to a central location, we’d be paid $110 for a day’s work and that there were about 25 of us needed. By ‘Us’ I mean white or black men aged between 19 and 34.

So I turned up, boarded a coach that was waiting at 6am for us and got chatting to some of the other people hired for the day. Everyone was pretty nice, chilled, a bit sleepy as it was an early start. We then got briefed on what we were doing as we set off leaving HCMC. The Vietnamese government had commissioned a film from one of the top SE Asian film studios to mark the 40th anniverary of the reunification of North and South Vietnam. Because of this, they needed 25 people to form a few squads of men acting out the role of the US marines in Bien Hoa. The film itself was to be called ‘The Red Road’ – The rough translation, anyway, and on the 30th april it would be shown across the largest TV stations throughout Vietnam! I was pretty excited that millions of people get to see me on TV 🙂

I managed to catch some sleep and woke up as we arrived. It was basically a clearing in the middle of a wooded/jungle area outside the city limits. We were issued our ‘kit’ including a real M-16. We realised a lot of the kit – webbing, backpacks and guns were actually authentic, which to be honest was a bit of an odd feeling.

What was stranger is that there we a number of mounds around the area with trenches behind them that were dug out very well and looked solid. I wondered how long this all took to make (The clearing, trenches, etc). When asked, one of the producers proudly tell me “oh hahaha no no, many years ago americans make it and run away, get shot by vietnamese, they attack.” Oh. Right. We were standing on the ruins of a base. Wow.

The huey and pilot

Anyway, no sooner as we had finished talking, two huey helicopters screamed in from somewhere and landed near us. Once all the dust had settled we were told to go over to them – One team in each.

My squad.

Inside the Huey – My M-16 and the minigun attached.

I never signed up for this. Holy shit, we get to go a helicopter. The scene was “Chopper lands in clearing, marines jump the hell out fast and run in single file off camera” – Sounds easy enough. Honestly though, Jumping in and out of a huey is actually harder than it looks with all the kit on. 7/8 people inside plus pilot, ‘gunner’ and co-pilot all running to get in within 10-15 seconds is pretty hard going. It took off fast, spun round and headed off. We only really had one take as the fuel for these things is fucking expensive, so we had to do it right. I should probably mention that there we no ‘windows’ as such, it goes straight outside into the sky. I should have probably mentioned I’m scared of heights, heh.

I should have probably mentioned, I am scared of heights. This is when it was circling round back to the woods/jungle.

As you can see from the video, It went pretty damn well for both teams. We landed, exited without a hitch and ran off camera.

We then were loaded onto a bus and moved maybe half a kilometer north, through the trees to another clearing, where a FULL GODDAMN MILITARY BASE HAD BEEN MADE.

The base at dusk – Probably the best picture of it before.. well.. read on.

There were 7 APC’s dotted around (Armored personnel carriers for those that have no idea- Troop transporters), a few watchtowers 4/5 tents set up around trenches and general.. military.. stuff just around. There was an artillery battery set up to the side and it was just very impressive all round to look at.

The APC detachment

The gun battery

We had a break for lunch, it was about then I realised how much I’d been sweating – I still had jeans under my trousers and a t-shirt on under my top. The prop company were funny about us wearing it straight off (probably to save money on cleaning it..) Still looked badass though.

Me, slightly sunburned and fully badass.

Anyway, we filmed more ‘generic base shots’ with us milling around, pointing, cleaning the guns (I took the opportunity to teach everyone how to actually cock the weapons and dry fire them ^^) and we had then another helicopter scene – This time the same thing but in reverse. Getting all our shit together then running into the huey for an emergency take-off. MORE AIRBORNE FUN.

Anyway. Night fell and we had to film the “patrolling the base / jungle in an APC” scene which was ace. I’d never been in one that actually moved before, so this was a new experience for me.

Me, in command of a large machine gun 🙂

This went on for a good few hours, and as we approached 10pm, the finale was being set up and talked about.

This involved the full scale NVA assault on the base, and we weren’t told very much except there would be a lot of pyrotechnics. All 7 APC’s lined up behind the base, and we had to run either side of them, to keep formation. I was hopeful the drivers knew what they were fucking doing as running 1 meter away from a fast moving APC with huge tracks is pretty inimidating, especially if you’re leading everyone else..

We practiced a few times and then on action, we ran. We prepared for the final take and usually the shout of “READY… ACTION!” let us know that filming had begun but this time.. “READY…. ** BOOM **”

There was a huge fucking explosion that made every sane person duck. Now I’ve seen pyrotechnics before but this was *huge* – You could feel it in your lungs. We ran like we’d never ran before as more and more huge fucking explosions went off. Bit of debris and sand went EVERYWHERE. Just as we were running out the base front door the watchtower – now with an added mannequin” exploded in a ball of flames, sending huge chunks of wood flying everywhere. Of course, I’d have loved to film this but sadly I only managed to spin round off camera and snap this.

The base, blown to hell. There was only a few bits left that weren’t on fire. Health and safety isn’t really a big thing here, incase you hadn’t realised.

As you can see.. there isn’t much base left at all. Everything else was blown to hell. I was covered in dirt, mud etc. We weren’t done filming yet.  We were then taken to the artillery battery and filmed loading and firing the things, repeatedly.

Anyway, about 1am we all piled back on the bus which took us back to HCMC. One of the best days I’ve had a since I got here. I met some utterly fantastic people, nearly got blown up, flew in a helicopter, twice and was in a moving APC. It was fantastic- I even got paid for it!

Tomorrow, I begin the trip up to Hanoi.

It’s 1,450 miles i’m gonna put my little bike through, and it’s going to be 20 days of riding and chilling out inbetween. Many guesthouses, probably a few mechanics, lots of coast and some beautiful views to come.

Hope you’re all well ❤

That time I bribed the police.

It’s currently about 5:30am and I’ve been up for 2 hours. I’m sat in my kitchen, drinking whisky I was smart enough to buy from Gatwick duty free because I am unable to sleep now I’ve been up and driving around town two hours previous and chatting to some ‘lovely’ officers of the law.

Vietnam police officer.

Why would I get up at such an ungodly hour?

Well, I have been given a part as an extra in a war movie being filmed in Vietnam. It’s’ a very early start – 4am – from a central location. All the extras would probably get picked up and dropped off somewhere else you see. Anyway, I got there. Waited. Noone about, just drunk tourists and the local girls that dote on them.

Checked my phone. I had a text from hours before I must have missed saying the shoot had been cancelled. Not too happy about that one. Got back on my bike, started to drive home.

Now you might have seen the unholy rivers of metal and pollution that is Vietnam’s roads before but I assure you at this time of day, they’re the polar opposite. Nice, quiet, noone around. I was driving down one of these nice quiet main roads now as a Vietnamese police office runs into the road from the pavement and flags me down. I pull over and take the key out and pocket it – I’ve heard some tales of people running off with them and stealing bikes later, even police.

“Hi. You give me licence and registration”
*Shows registration* – “Sorry, I must have left my licence at home. Why did you stop me?”

“You no indicate round corner”
“I’ve been going straight on for about 3 mins”
“No. You no indicate. I take your bike for 7 day.”

I realised at this point that I was the only one on the roads, quiet obviously white, and read between the lines. For those of you that don’t realise, corruption runs very high in Vietnam. It runs even higher in public services, especially the police. This was essentially a shakedown. These guys have a small amount of power to make the average citizen’s life very difficult if you don’t play ball and to a lot of them, tourists are walking wallets. I knew arguing wasn’t gonna help, he was just going to get annoyed at the lack of communication and after all, I didn’t have my licence.. so I figured we should just play this one by the book.

“Ok, how about a fine?”

“what”

“A fine. I pay you. I say sorry. I go”

At this point I got my wallet out my pocket and the police officer and his friend who was standing nearby look around to see if anyone is watching. I pulled out a wad of notes – about 190-200k and handed it over. This is about £5.80-6. To me or you, this isn’t a lot of money, but to the Vietnamese, this is really worth something.

He looked over the wad of notes and nodded. “Ok, go now”

The officer brushed his hand as if to say, “G’wan, fuck off mate” and fuck off I did. Got home, more annoyed than I was previous and now very awake. Bah. So instead of days work that would have netted me 70-80 quid, I’m actually short a fiver now.

Bollocks. Still, this is Vietnam. This is how things work here.

Water, Beer, Sand and Sunburn in Saigon

So, I’ve been utterly lame at updating this even though I said I would. I’ve been pretty busy going on day trips, drinking excessively, getting sunburned to a crisp and planning a pretty big trip..

I got up early one morning to catch the newly-reinstated hydrofoil to Vung Tau beach, through the nature reserve and on the sea. The government had previously stopped the last hydrofoils as one had crashed and one had sunk and then one crashed and sunk in the space of two years and wasn’t doing their tourism any good.

The Vung Tau to Saigon Hydrofoil.

They go fast. Real fucking fast. It’s basically like a passenger ferry that glides over the surface of the water. Anyway, at Vung Tau, a cab was hailed and off to the beach.

It was largely empty – There were a few people hanging around, but it was a weekday after all. It was shared with these strange little creatures – sand crabs – that burrow into the sand sticking their eyes above the ground to see if the coast is clear and then moving, almost gliding, across the beach. They’re amazing to watch. I managed to go in and out of the sea a few times, forgetting to re-apply sunscreen and then falling asleep.

I won’t be doing that again in a hurry, that’s for sure.

Vung Tau beach. It was utterly amazing here.

New year has always been the same old thing. Its full of a lot of people cramming themselves into bars and clubs throughout town, spending far too much money, waiting far too long to get a drink and paying extortionate prices for well.. everything. What is even worse is when people get drunkenly emotional and starting spouting how it’s going to be the “best year ever” and “they’re so glad the last one has just gone” etc.

Wanting to avoid this was really what I was about this NYE. I’d heard that Bui Vien, an area of HCMC turns into party central on the streets so decided to go and have a look.

As you can see from the Video – It’s utterly insane. The bar I was in was nice and quiet and kicked out after 1am. Shared a bottle of whiskey with some great people I know here – New and old – and saw 2015 in well. Getting back in a taxi was a bit of a challenge however..

One of the pubs I have been spending a lot of time in recently is ‘The spotted cow’ in Bui Vien. It’s run by an ex-pat called Andy and it attracts a good crowd from all over and is priced, well, as Vietnam is. What you can see below is a beer tower. It has ice running through one compartment and beer surrounding it in another, keeping it cool. On a Sunday this will sent you back 150,000 VND. To you and me that is £4.50 for 3 litres of premium beer. Yeah. I can reliably tell you that Monday was a painful day to be awake.

A beer tower. I ended up drinking one and bit of these.

I thought I’d just take the opportunity to show you what a fairly quiet road is like from a driver’s perspective in Saigon. (I’m on the back of a scooter here, not on my bike!) Still – A pretty hairy experience. You kind of become accustomed to it however, strangely.

A friend of mine who invited me out on Xmas eve to the bar opening asked recently if I wanted to go fishing with him and a few friends. I was more than happy to as this had been one of my aims since actually getting to Vietnam. I arrived at his house at 8am and we travelled south of the city to this place you can see in the picture below. It was pretty empty and after setting up the lines, drinking a few beers, and a couple of games of Uno (Which then turned into drinking uno and got FAR too revenge led!) I managed to catch a carp. I was pretty damn pleased with myself to say the least. I managed to catch a few more throughout the day and after a thoroughly chilled day, we all headed back about 4pm.

The fishing ‘park’ I went to in District 7

I’ve been doing even more swimming recently and been visiting some quite luxury places that someone of my calibre really shouldn’t be going to. This was one of them…

So the big news is I’m going to go on a trip. A really big trip. It’s over 1000 miles and I intend to do it at a leisurely pace on my lovely little motorbike. The idea is to get a few people together; It will take us from Ho Chi Minh City in the south, to the beaches of Mui Ne, Nha Trang, Da Nang, Hue, the beautiful islands of Ha Long Bay then onto Hanoi. Once in Hanoi, the touristy thing will happen, then the overnight train back to here in HCMC.

My bike – I’ve had some work done to it since you last saw it, including a respray!

The route planning starts tomorrow.. That’s all for now anyway, I’ll actually update soon this time 🙂 !

History is Written by the Victors – War and Reunification

It’s always been said that history is written by the victors, and today’s experience proves this more than I’ve ever seen.

This will probably be the last thing I post on the Vietnam / American conflict for a while, especially my last post leaned heavily that way too. Today I went to see the War Remnants Museum and a few days ago, the Reunification Palace.

As I previously mentioned, Vietnam was two separate countries; North Vietnam and South Vietnam. As the war raged on throughout the sixties and into the seventies, it became very apparent that South Vietnam along with their US allies were losing the fight against the North Vietnamese forces. Huge political pressures from home in the US made the administration slowly start removing troops from the region. Some of the strong US oppositon fell back on the strong hippy/anti-war movement at the time, and others on the the Lyndon Johnson adage of “We are not about to send American boys 9 or 10,000 miles away from home to do what Asian boys ought to be doing for themselves”

An american chinook used to transport heavy goods and troops.

Either way, from 1973 US forces were slowly pulled out of South Vietnam. By ’74 as Nixon resigned due to the Watergate scandal, Gerald Ford came to power and cut a lot of funding to South Vietnam and pulled even more troops back home. With only 20,000 US troops left in the country soon after this from the peak of 540,000, the North Vietnamese took this a sure sign to start their final offensive in early 1975.

As the bombardment of Saigon started to take place from NVLA (North Viet Liberation Army) forces, the South descended into chaos. The US forces began Operation Frequent Wind and began evacuation every South Viet Official, orphan, and american they could. This went on round the clock.

The reunification palace. called Norodom Palace (Where the South Viet president Nguyễn Văn Thiệu lived with family) – Similar to 10 downing street or the white house.

There was panic everywhere and a lot of NVLA slipped into Saigon undetected. On 8th April 1975 a South Vietnamese pilot revealed himself to be a traitor and actually an NVLA spy – He took off his jet from a nearby airfield and bombed the reunification palace, landing in a secret jungle airfield. This was the key moment that many countries realised the war was essentially unwinnable at this point. It was less about destruction and more about a “we’ve got you now” message.

The jet used to bomb the reunification palace

On 30th April 1975, NVLA troops entered the city of Saigon and smashed through the gates of the palace. This was the signal the war was over. Surrender was inevitable unless a last ditch stand was to happen. The US forces were all but pulled out as the NVLA raised the flag at the palace.

The first tank to smash through the gates of the palace

The infamous ‘Last chopper to leave Saigon’ was from the CIA building, downtown in the city. The NVLA poured across the city, capturing key installations and putting down the last resistance.

The infamous ‘Last Chopper out of Saigon’

And that was that.

Now, back to the title of the post. History is indeed written by the victors – Today I visited the War Remnants Museum. It covers the entirety of the war. Now I’d hate to say the place was one sided, but let’s just say the NVLA were still very bitter about the US forces helping the South Vietnamese. The whole museum sidestepped things like the Hanoi Hilton POW camp for allied forces and starkly commented on pictures of dead / dying / burned women and children of “Americans did this”

Dead people pictures

There was some deeply disturbing shit there – Especially when it came to Agent Orange. For those of you not in the know, Agent Orange was a type of herbicide used by the US forces to destroy the foliage / jungle the NVLA used to hide in. It caused enormous issues for Vietnam and birth defects for decades after. The museum had a whole floor dedicated to it, including dead children that were sat in formaldehyde .

Deformed child due to agent orange

Anyway, there were many captured US military bombs, guns and tanks for people to look out. The choice of language used in all of this was incredibly interesting – When the NLVA attacked or gained ground the word “Liberation” was used excessively, when the US forces did, they were always on “search and destroy” missions and there were pictures of destroyed villages and murdered civilians that followed.

There were as surprising amount of US families that had come along at the same time, and after 3 floors of the museum you can see it was starting to take it’s toll on them;

American tourists feeling slightly singled out

The museum then went to point out how it was obvious that they were to lose from the beginning and all they left in their wake was ordnance ordnance across the country which have killed 43,000 since the war ended and maimed over 60,000.

Mine and UXO

Ultimately history is written by the victors; anyone in Vietnam who is older than 50 knows this. The children now grow up in Ho Chi Minh City, but it’s still known as Saigon. There are the older folk here who still spit when you mention the name HCMC, and even more embittered are those who fled South Vietnam when the NVLA reunified the country. Let’s not forget here; some people didn’t want to be liberated. Those who still opposed them or were found to have been working with the US forces were punished severely. 6 years jail time for sympathisers and them and their family banned from education and university for the forseeable. The rules have only recently been relaxed on this.

Reunification Park

There is still a divide in culture between the north and the south here but it’s getting better. With each generation that passes, the more unified the country will actually be.

Vietnamese Xmas, Strange Pizza and Decent Beer.

One of the strangest feelings I am ever going to have is lying in a bed in a hostel room in the middle of Saigon, staring at the feelings and hearing a terrible MIDI version of ‘Jingle bells’ being played over and over until you want to remove your own ears just to make it stop.

Yes, Christmas happens in Vietnam too. Well, it’s Christmas, Jim, but not as we know it.

The Vietnamese are largely Buddist and Christmas doesn’t really feature on the list of national holidays and the like. It’s celebrated how us British types would celebrate Chinese New Year – We know of it, it happens, but unless you’re part of that culture it sort of just passes you by.

However by and large the Vietnamese love all things garish, gaudy and bright. A shop isn’t a real shop without a neon / LED light advertising it and of course tourists are going to love this neon yellow meme vest top we have on display.

Christmas is appealing to the Vietnamese because of the bright lights and tinsel and glitter – Quite the same reason a lot of us enjoy it too. Santa is a character among this but no-one really knows the origins (Do westerners though, really?) and who doesn’t love the idea of getting presents? These are the best parts of Vietnamese Christmas.

It’s still pretty goddamn strange to see a fully decorated Christmas tree in the middle of the sweatiest heat you’ve ever encountered. Besides, it makes the ex-pats and tourists feel more welcome.

An Xmas tree outside a bar in District 1

Let’s talk coffee for a second. Did you know that Vietnam is the 2nd biggest producer of coffee in the world? They have their coffee in a slightly different way to you and I. It’s roughly filtered, straight into a jug or cup and then very sweet condensed milk is added. Once it’s stirred together you have something with the consistency of melted ice cream and a VERY strong flavour. It’s utterly fantastic and really is very much like rocket fuel. It’s the only place to date I’ve ever seen take their coffee like this.

Another thing that might seem slightly odd to you is that some places just don’t have kitchens. Not because people can’t afford it, but more to do with the fact that is actually cheaper to go and eat out half the time than buying the raw ingredients! There is a plethora of food always available, with strong smells in the street (both wonderful and awful) assaulting your senses from every direction.

Something else I found really fucking weird?

Pizza, with a Jam dip. What the hell.

Jam. On Pizza.

Yeah, you heard. I came nearly 7000 miles to an entirely different culture and was swayed by the call of Pizza Hut. Arriving there and eating a large pizza was pretty standard – What isn’t however, is receiving a small pot of jam to dip your pizza in. I did initially think someone was having me on, as to be fair, it’d be quite a funny prank – But no, it really is the done thing. It wasn’t too bad either.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that some of the names here are fucking hilarious. I’ve been taking photos of them just for the shits and giggles really. I AM AN ADULT AFTER ALL.

Dong Phat, a corner shop near where I stay

Phuc Long, a resturant and bar near district 1

That’ll do for me now. I’m quite drunk and it turns out just up the road, they sell trappist beers. Still cheaper than back home too. You really can get anything you want if you know where to look here.

That’s what I’m talking about.

My first four days in Vietnam

So I made it to Vietnam. Getting through Gatwick, checking in and hanging around departures was a relatively simple process. Looking across the shiny 747s and 777s sat waiting, I saw the Vietnam Airways plane. It wasn’t shiny at all, infact it the green-blue paint was peeling off and parts of it were slightly rusty. This didn’t fill me with confidence considering I’m not the hugest fan of flying. Appearances can be deceiving however and the 12.5 hour flight was extremely pleasant even after I managed to crash my in-flight entertainment system after a few hours. Arriving in Ho Chi Minh City (Sai Gon) at 7am and stepping foot off the plane, the first thing you notice is the air is so thick you can almost chew it. It’s incredibly hot – Settling around the mid to low 30s but with humidity usually around 80%. The city itself is smoggy and quite polluted but not enough to make things difficult. A cheap taxi into town and part of me was scared to get out. The whole place is just crazy. The traffic. The noise. The vast amounts of people. More scooters than you have ever seen. It’s utter chaos. It feels like the city scenes in Blade Runner as Harrison Ford is dodging people and traffic and ordering his food from roadside bars.

Road in District 1

I didn’t think I’d have to specifically write about something that on the face of it sounds so dull, but crossing the road has been a real learning experience for me since I arrived. You have to just sort of.. go.. and hope for the best. You walk out into the traffic, and it moves around you. Please see the video as a good example of what I’m trying to say “walk in to this and keep going”. It goes against everything that feels right.

I thought I was too good for jet lag but that’s been kicking my ass the past few days if I am totally honest. I’ve been waking up at 2am and going back to sleep about 7am and spending a lot of time feeling quite zombiefied. It hasn’t stopped me catching up with an old friend, Jason, who I’ve not seen for nigh on 7 years however. He’s been teaching me the tricks of the trade living here and introducing me to some lovely people. The area I am staying in currently is District 1. It’s basically the Leicester Square / Covent Garden of HCMC. It’s loud, there are tourists / backpackers / expats of many nationalities here, many shops selling ‘tat’ and many people hawking their wares.

Telegraph / Electrical Wires in D1

Today I got on a boat trip for an hour or so around the Saigon river that runs through the city, past the docks and fishermen villages. They’re utterly crazy from the inside. The lady piloting the boat told us they keep the downstairs flooded to catch fish from the middle floors. Some are ‘made into’ boats too, so when they leave to fish early in the morning, half the house goes too!

Fishing Village

Interesting things I’ve observed, found and learned since I’ve been in HCMC:

• Booze is cheap. I mean REALLY cheap. A bottle of Jim Bean is about £5.50 from one of the local shops. Gordon’s Gin (Export strength too here!) is about £5. A local beer (Saigon Red/Green, 333, BGI) will set you back a wallet destroying 30-50p.
• Noone is aggressive or angry. Despite alcohol being incredibly cheap and people regularly drinking, everyone seems to just get on with it.
• Everyone (Well, a hell of a lot) have the family name Nguyễn – around 40% to be exact. You’ll get an eye-roll as a reaction if you ask if they are all related.
• The currency is called ‘Dong’. I am currently a multi-millionaire in dong. It’s roughly 30,000 dong to £1.
• The Vietnamese traditional dress is an Ao Lai (Ow Lye) and the conical hats you see are called Non La.
• Touching is a big thing here, a sign of friendship, affection and to get attention. Where as bad in the UK if someone was tapping you on the arm or patting you to get attention, it’s the polar opposite here.
• Pho (pronounced Fur) is the dish of choice in these parts. It’s usually chicken or beef, sliced thinly in a broth/soup of spring onion, beansprouts, rice noodles and lots of flavourings. It’s DELICIOUS. I mean, like really really good.

Anyway, that’s a few things I’ve picked up on. I’ll update again soon with some more tales.